Yesterday I received a pic on the app Grinder. It was a close-up of a specific body part, and the message read, I did not know you offered One on One play? The sender included no face pic and used my name in his statement.
Please do not be creepy; Send a face pic when reaching out was my reply; this made him angry. He then proceeded to accuse me and my business of nefarious actions. He was threatening to report me to the police.
I do not know if you have experienced this yourself; if you use these online social apps, you may have had something like this happen to you. It is never a good feeling when someone out of nowhere decides to attack. Especially when you work so hard to create safe spaces for your community. As a gay male massage therapist, all kinds of assumptions are made about what I do.
Yes, I am on Grindr. Yes, I explore my sexuality like everyone else, and yes, I am a massage therapist who works primarily with nude men. I do, however, have boundaries and keep my professional responsibilities and my desires in their proper places. My work is my work, and my play is my play.
The above-mentioned interaction strikes at the heart of my work as a Men's wellness coach. I always strive to help men see how we treat each other is key to how successful we are as human beings. How what we do and say is important.
When men reach out to me asking if I do happy endings in my massage work, I often say, do you ask your accountant for a blow job when you file your taxes? Do you grab at your dentist's cock when he's working in your mouth?
My industry is full of all kinds of touch. It is my belief that all nonexploitive, consensual types of touch therapies are valid. Clear communication is the key. Assuming that being sexually open and expressing what I desire on sexual social apps like Grinder for private play means that I run some nefarious practice is a gross misunderstanding of the core tenents of my work as a dedicated men's wellness provider.
I hope we all take a moment to be kind to someone today instead of adding more discomfort to the world with our ill-informed words and assumptions. Think about how your words are a form of touch, possibly your most powerful one.
One Past Self 2014 Brian R