IN MY WELLNESS SPACE

Now that I have returned to Swedish relaxation massage in my wellness space, I am experiencing firsthand its incredible benefits. For those unfamiliar, Swedish relaxation massage is a gentle, therapeutic style focused on calming the nervous system and promoting deep relaxation.

Relaxation through one-way touch offers a unique opportunity to let go, allowing your mind to drift out of your thoughts and deeply into your body—into sensation and true relaxation.

Yesterday, a longtime client I’ve worked with in many bodywork modalities asked me about my recent shift. My renewed appreciation for this approach has reminded me why I first fell in love with this work. Having explored bodywork for over 20 years, I’ve learned that all types of touch—when grounded in clear communication and mutual consent—can be transformative. Although I move between a variety of massage techniques, after spending time in the neo-tantric and erotic-enhancement space, I realized how much I missed the deep relaxation found in basic Swedish massage.

Unlike Swedish massage, neo-tantric or erotic-enhancement bodywork often involves mutual touch and active participation from both people. Relaxation into pleasure is found in erotic-enhancement bodywork. This is different from therapeutic sexological body work, something we will discuss another time.

At our InTouchMen gatherings, we have been exploring neo-tantric / erotic-enhancement bodywork. Both people are participating in touch; both are relaxing and playing with pleasure. In this dynamic, the man on the table relaxes, but not completely—his nervous system is still engaged if he’s giving back. Think of it like the difference between floating in a pool (Swedish) and swimming with a partner (neo-tantric)—one is about letting go, the other about engagement. For example, if I apply pressure with my hands and you fully relax into it, one experience arises. If you engage and reciprocate the pressure, a different dynamic emerges. This give-and-take is at the core of this style.

Basic Swedish massage, when practiced correctly, is designed to be a one-way experience for the receiver, and a very different one for the giver. Many people underestimate the complexity of touch. Navigating the energy exchange is an art—conscious communication and consent are vital because they ensure that each person’s boundaries and desires are respected, creating a safer and more rewarding experience. When touch is involved, it’s essential for people to communicate their needs, desires, and willingness to explore. As a practitioner, I consider much more than just anatomy and physiology when giving touch. As a receiver, you’ll benefit greatly by taking time to reflect on the type of touch you need as well. For example, you might say, “I’d like a gentle, relaxing touch today,” or “I’m curious about exploring deeper erotic enhancement.”

Recently, I saw a post from a fellow male massage therapist, upset that some men requested 'happy endings.' I found his reaction disappointing. Men seek all kinds of touch, and if a request isn’t something you offer, it’s important not to shame someone for expressing their needs. There are many necessary touch experiences out there. If you find yourself seeking only sexual fulfillment from massage, it may be worth reflecting on what’s behind that desire—and if you are shaming men for asking you, you also have some reflecting to do.