Stepping back from INTOUCHMEN

A bit about why I have decided to take a break from hosting my men's massage exchange group.

I started INTOUCHMEN for two main reasons:

1. I am passionate about massage and love sharing this amazing craft with as many men as I can in a welcoming, safe space.

2. I felt a personal need to form bonds, make friends, and build community with other men who share similar interests.

   
   

What I have found is that, yes, there are other men interested in this craft. However, the sense of community, bond, and friendships I hoped to create have not manifested. The beauty of bodywork lies in the balance of giving and receiving. When that balance is present, wonderful things happen—when it’s missing, the magic fades.

INTOUCHMEN for me is out of balance.

Hosting events and building community has always been a passion of mine; however, I’ve reached a point where I realize my giving has far outweighed what I receive in return. I’m not sure whether this is something I need to address personally or reflects a broader issue within the group environment.

When the work of hosting events falls on one person, the exchange becomes one-sided—which is how I currently feel. Each week, I carve out time, plan events, update my blog and website, send emails and texts, and devote my energy to creating an enjoyable evening. Yes, I charge a small fee to cover supplies, rent, and time. Attendees come, enjoy themselves—some even for free—and then disappear until my next outreach. I understand that everyone is busy; as a small business owner, I know this firsthand. Still, the lack of reciprocal energy has become impossible to ignore. With this realization, I have decided to step back.

The truth is, few friendships have developed beyond casual conversations within the group, and almost no one has reached out, organized anything, or invited me to anything outside our gatherings. This main point feels isolating—even when I see INTOUCHMEN members at other events, there’s rarely a “Hi Brian, want to grab a drink, have dinner, go to tea, meet my partner, or join my friends.” This happens repeatedly, especially in places like P-Town.

Maybe the experience I offer is something some men prefer to keep as their own private secret? If so, that’s another reason for the group to refocus.

Please know this isn’t a ploy, a judgment of anyone, or a call for pity—it’s simply something I’ve noticed and want to acknowledge.

Why is this, I wonder? My journey as a group facilitator began in another organization similar to INTOUCHMEN. I attended workshops, got involved, and sometimes, when funds were tight, I would offer to help with setup or cleanup in exchange for a discount. At INTOUCHMEN, that’s only happened once in eight years.

In the group I joined, I began working closely with the organizer, contributed ideas, helped design and moderate workshops, and supported the community. Through that experience, I grew as a person and facilitator, eventually deciding to start my own group.

That hasn’t happened at INTOUCHMEN—no one has shown interest beyond the massage exchange itself. I think that’s key to my waning interest in facilitating.

I’m grateful for the opportunity to have shared this space and these experiences with so many of you. My hope has always been to foster genuine connection and community, and I still believe that’s possible—whether through INTOUCHMEN or something new in the future. For now, I need to step back and focus on restoring my own balance. Thank you to everyone who has participated, supported, or simply shown up. If you feel moved to reach out, share feedback, or help shape what comes next, I welcome that. Wishing you all continued growth, connection, and healing.