The Dangers of Toxic Positivity and the Overreach of Wellness "Coaches" in Healing Spaces

I’ve spent years exploring different healing practices, from yoga to touch therapies, always seeking spaces where people can genuinely connect with themselves and others. Along the way, I noticed a troubling trend: the rise of toxic positivity, the pressure to share feelings on demand, and wellness "coaches" or group facilitators who overstep their roles. These trends often do more harm than good, especially when they try to force emotional experiences or impose their own ideas of healing on others.

I believe healing spaces should be containers where adults can choose what they need without judgment or pressure. This post shares my personal experience and thoughts on why toxic positivity and forced emotional sharing undermine true healing, and why wellness "coaches" need to respect boundaries instead of trying to control the process.

What Toxic Positivity Looks Like in Healing Spaces

Toxic positivity is the insistence that people must always stay positive, no matter what. It sounds harmless at first—who doesn’t want to focus on the good? But in practice, it often means ignoring or dismissing real feelings like sadness, anger, or frustration. I’ve seen this happen where someone expresses pain or discomfort, only to be told to breathe this way, release this fascia, do this pose, posture or technique.

This approach can backfire; it can overstep the role of a "coach" and lead to potential physical or psychological misguidance, especially for men, who often face social pressure to conceal their vulnerability. When a man in a group shares a struggle and is met with forced cheerfulness or a quick-fix solution, it shuts down honest conversation and prevents deep connections. Bodywork has taught me one important lesson over the years: our individual bodies hold our stress and tensions in unique ways. Being present is stronger then being positive.

Toxic positivity creates an environment where people feel they must perform happiness instead of being authentic. This performance can be exhausting and can hinder real healing. That's why we often joke at INTOUCHMEN, calling our group the quietest club in New Jersey. Bodywork is special; in its quiet, the magic happens. When two or more people come together and allow a healing touch session to unfold, we need to say nothing, step aside, and let our internal voices do their silent work together.

The Problem with Forced Sharing of Feelings

Many wellness groups encourage or require participants to share their feelings openly. While sharing can be powerful, forcing it can backfire. I’ve been in sessions where facilitators push everyone to “open up” or “express themselves” even if they’re not ready. This pressure can feel invasive and disrespectful. When a group is going around the circle sharing one by one are we ever listing? or are we in our heads the entire time thinking "what am I going to say when they get to me?

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People process differently. Some need silence, others need movement, and some prefer private reflection. Forcing sharing ignores these differences and can deter or overwhelm participants. It also creates a dynamic where people might fake vulnerability just to fit in, which defeats the purpose of healing.

A calm healing space designed for personal reflection and group sessions

When Wellness "Coaches" Overstep Their Place

Wellness "coaching" and group facilitation can be valuable when done with respect and clear boundaries. Unfortunately, I’ve encountered many "coaches" who try to act as therapists or emotional guides without proper training or understanding. They often push their own agendas or methods, telling people what they “should” feel or do.

This overreach can be harmful. It takes away personal agency and can create dependency on the "coach" rather than fostering self-trust. Some "coaches" also try to control group dynamics too tightly, limiting honest expression or shutting down dissenting voices.

A guide, is something I prefer over a -coach-. a guide, with a trusted path for healing, respects each person’s autonomy. It offers support without pressure, guidance without control. This approach allows people to explore what they need—whether that’s touch therapy from giving or getting, or simply quiet space to renew and relax—without feeling manipulated or pressured.

Creating Spaces Where Adults Can Choose Their Own Healing

From my experience, the most effective healing spaces are those that:

• Honor individual needs: Recognize that everyone heals differently and allow people to choose their path.

• Avoid forced emotional sharing: Encourage openness but never require it.

• Reject toxic positivity: Validate all feelings, including discomfort and pain.

• Respect boundaries: All facilitators should clearly define their role and avoid overstepping.

• Support autonomy: Empower participants to make decisions about their healing.

  
  

Why Men Need Different Approaches in Healing Spaces

Men often face unique challenges in wellness environments. Social expectations can make it difficult for them to express vulnerability or seek help. When wellness spaces push toxic positivity or forced sharing, men may feel alienated or judged.

Healing is a deeply personal journey. It requires spaces that hold people with respect, honesty, and freedom. Toxic positivity, forced emotional sharing, and wellness "coaches" who overstep their roles undermine this process. Instead, we need well-made containers where adults can choose what they need and feel safe doing so.