Group energy is hard to hold.

Last night, I went to a sex party in NOLA called Hit It. A fun group of sexy men hosts this party a few times per year, and if I’m in town, I always check it out. This one was in a smaller venue, and it was cold outside, but that didn’t stop the boys from showing up.

I find the energy at these kinds of events often lacks sensuality, focus, and any real effort beyond providing a dark room for people to mostly wander around awkwardly. Yes, there’s sucking and fucking going on, but as I watched, I could see the level of exploration was missing. The group energy was never harnessed, directed, or mixed to heighten everyone’s pleasure. Pleasure was on these men's minds, but it never really took off collectively.

What I love so much about the sensual energy we explore at INTOUCHMEN is how it draws on all of us—our interconnected energy builds everyone up. Last night, I was standing on a stage as two men next to me started fucking. They were beautiful, and their energy began to ripple through the group, setting a flow in motion. Mostly, this happened because the top was aware that he was not only fucking, but also sharing a small space with a bunch of other men. Just when we were all feeling it, though, a voice came over the PA system asking everyone to come to the stage for the top-versus-bottom competition. What? Why? I don’t understand how promoters at these events think—do they not read the room? It broke the energy for everyone.

Can we move past the TOP-BOTTOM label thing? It is boring, limiting, and so body-negative.

Group energy is hard to hold, hard to direct, hard to edge—but it’s so worth the effort. I missed the community and the free exploration that INTOUCHMEN holds. I did have fun and played with a few sexy men, but overall, it was nothing new, more depleting than uplifting, and eye-opening to so many possibilities for making this type of space better.

Here’s to seeking more connection, more exploration, and more authentic group energy together! I look forward to seeing you all soon.